I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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