So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
