I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
