I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
