Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Small penises have feelings too.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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