roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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