My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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