I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
