im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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