I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
