Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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