i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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