we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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