I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
