we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
