I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
