All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
