The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize