Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
