Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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