we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
