So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
