TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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