omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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