I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
