you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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