Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
