I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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