Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
