This is the prime rib incident all over again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
