I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
