She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
