We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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