a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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