My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am spending my child support on dildos
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize