im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
