Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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