so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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