Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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