That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
