WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
