I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
