Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
