I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
