My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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