cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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