I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
