apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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