piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
