I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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