He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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