I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
