I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
