3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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