i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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