Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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