the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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