So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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