Someone shit on the floor
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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