i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
