So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
