Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
