Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
