After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
