worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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