Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
this is an emotional support booty call
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
